27 May 2007 - 3:29 p.m.
Incommunicado

Hello!

Sunday afternoons are nice, apart from the impending work the next day. I particularly like weekends because I get to spend proper time with my boyfriend. I do see him during the week (because we work together) but I'm not going to tell him about all the personal things that are going on in my life in the cafeteria at lunch time. So at the moment the only time we get to really talk is on the weekends and that can depend on visitors, activites etc.

With all the issues I have at the moment, I'm as needy as ever with the added bonus of going slightly insane if I get over-tired and/or don't have time to talk about it.

In other news (that no one here is really interested in) my boyfriend has a brother and a sister, who until recently both had partners. Apparently when my boyfriend last spoke to his parents, they had considered not asking how things were between me and him, just in case we had broken up as well (bad things happen in threes).

When my boyfriend told me about that on the way home from work on Friday, it was a great platform for me to start from (and completely freak him out) with my "Actually, I've been feeling bad lately because blah, blah and blah has happened, and I haven't even been able to talk to you about it".

So, now this weekend ends and I am feeling slightly better about everything. I had a big whinge at my boyfriend about things and he appears to have taken it on board...I made him repeat it back to me this afternoon. In the course of conversations he also pointed out to me that he has paid attention to things I have told him in the past and put these into practice. I'm glad he pointed that out to me because when I'm feeling all depressed and melodramatic it's easy to look at the things that are 'bad' now and forget that other things have been 'bad' in the past and have since been fixed, so there is still hope for the future.

I need communication to feel connected, and work through problems (internal and external). I don't work well by myself because I need someone else to talk to about decisions to reassure me that what I'm doing is the right thing. I guess it's a self-confidence problem really, I can't trust my own judgement.

Very off track.

I guess the moral of the story is: My boyfriends aren't allowed to spend even a few days without checking about how I am doing or things get dire. Oh, so dire... I doubt it's as bad when things in my life are more stable, but now it has been discussed and understood hopefully things will run a bit more smoothly.

Who invented talking about stuff and resolving issues? It's great. It works even better when guys realise that not talking when girls are upset might stop things from getting worse - they don't get angry/angrier with you - but it doesn't really make things better, either. Talking is my friend! People to talk to are also my friends... and vice versa.